


the waves will pull us under (tides will bring me back to you)

by we_are_just_bad_code



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: :), F/F, I just wanted to make that scene even more angsty tbh, Scylla's POV, TW for torture in chapter 2, canon compliant up until Raelle is pulled away, so here Raelle will learn that Scylla is spree for dramatic purposes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_just_bad_code/pseuds/we_are_just_bad_code
Summary: She had feared this; she had feared they would try to use Raelle against her. This was why spies weren’t supposed to form emotional attachments, weren’t supposed to have feelings that could compromise the mission, weren’t supposed to have weaknesses.Or the one where General Alder decides hurting Raelle is the best way to hurt Scylla (and she's right).
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 28
Kudos: 320





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Deathbeads" by BMTH.

Having given up on any attempt to free herself long ago, Scylla tried her best to get some rest before General Alder returned. Turns out being painfully chained to a chair and tortured for days (or was it weeks?) didn’t make it easy to fall asleep. Although her captors hadn’t yet resorted to physical violence, Scylla couldn’t find a way to stop her body from aching. Her arms were stiff from being bound behind her back; her head throbbed in a way that verged on being unbearable.

The room they kept her in was dark, pitch black when there was no one other than herself there. It was cold, too, especially at night, although Scylla had by then gotten used to it. Despite all of that, what kept her awake had nothing to do with the harsh conditions she was held in.

Scylla finally settled on letting her head lean on her shoulder for support and closed her eyes. In the dark, it had been easy to imagine all sorts of scenarios in which she would see Raelle again. Somehow, it was when she let her eyelids drop that she could see her more clearly.

Scylla tried to push those images away; they wouldn’t do her any good. Although they provided some comfort, even if only emotionally, with them came much bigger fears than the tortures imposed by General Alder and what had once, in a memory, been a soft smile on Raelle’s features rapidly turned into a hurt gaze that mirrored betrayal.

Just as she was starting to finally doze off, Scylla heard the metallic clash of lock and key meeting to open the door that separated her from the outside world. She sighed, preparing herself for whatever they had in store for her next. So much for getting rest.

Her eyes had adapted to the darkness enough for her to see, in the faintest of lights that came through the door, the blurry silhouettes of two soldiers carrying someone else into the room and bluntly leaving the person on the floor. The realization of who it could be hit her even before the dull lights of the room were lit. Her chest clenched in on itself and for a brief moment Scylla couldn’t breathe.

_Raelle._

A few feet away from Scylla, there she laid, her short blond hair falling down over her eyes. Scylla fought against her restraints, the sounds of them hitting the chair echoed in the room. She had feared this; she had feared they would try to use Raelle against her. This was why spies like herself weren’t supposed to form emotional attachments, weren’t supposed to have feelings that could compromise the mission, weren’t supposed to have weaknesses.

But Raelle was so much more than that. She was so much more than a target to be hit by her enemies, more than her Achilles heel. She was warmth and courage and passion; she was anger and pain and hope and so much more.

She was everything.

“Raelle,” Scylla struggled to get her name out, her voice raspy and croaked. Scylla’s heart started racing in her chest as seconds went by and her girlfriend’s body remained motionless on the floor. “Raelle,” she tried again despite the pain it brought to her throat.

“She’s sound asleep,” a voice that had by then become familiar disrupted Scylla’s efforts to wake up her girlfriend.

“What did you do to her?” Scylla demanded to know, her gaze raising to meet General Alder’s.

“Nothing, only had Anacostia sing her a little song,” the general replied nonchalantly, stepping closer to where Raelle’s body laid on the ground and looking at her for a moment. “She can stay like this, never knowing she ever left her bed, or she can learn about who you really are,” she continued, her threat edging on the verge of mischievous. “That would be quite the ending for your little love story, don’t you think?”

Scylla had never allowed herself to think too much of the future. The dreams she had of a life with Raelle were kept locked inside a million boxes, buried so deep inside her not even she could reach them. The time she had spent with Raelle had been short, but certainly more than she had ever dared hope for.

Scylla chuckled sadly.

“Very well then,” General Alder motioned forth Anacostia who stood guard by the door. “Let’s wake up Private Collar,” she said.

Scylla braced herself for what was about to come. She watched Raelle as she got up slowly, a weight coming off her chest at seeing she was unharmed. Raelle didn’t see her, not at first, but instead turned to the General and Anacostia with a confused look.

When their eyes met, Scylla let out a shaky breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Now that she could look at her properly, Scylla noticed the bags under her eyes, felt an exhaustion so heavy hanging on her shoulders all Scylla wished to do was embrace her and rock her to sleep.

“Scylla?” Raelle’s voice broke through the unbearable silence that had taken a hold of the room. “This can’t be real,” she mumbled, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You’re dead.”

“It’s me,” Scylla rushed to reassure her. “It’s really me.” Her chest was rising and falling unevenly as she tugged against the chains in an attempt to get closer to her girlfriend.

“Oh my god,”Raelle mumbled, tears sliding down her cheeks as she slowly closed the distance between them, her steps unsure in disbelief.

Despite the sorrow that moment brought her, Scylla couldn’t help but smile as Raelle cupped her face and kissed her with such longing Scylla’s own eyes started watering. Until a couple of minutes ago she thought she would never see her again, let alone be held in her arms.

“Did they hurt you?” Raelle asked in despair, tears flowing freely from her eyes now as she undoubtedly noticed the restraints that bound her to the chair, the state of her hair, the dirtiness of her skin. “Did they hurt you?”

“They’re going to tell you horrible things about me,” Scylla’s voice was shaky as she tried to grab Raelle’s attention, ignoring her question. They were talking on borrowed time and surely soon enough it would run out. “All of them,” Scylla continued as Raelle unsuccessfully tried to undo the cuffs on her wrists. “Please don’t believe them,” she begged, fiercely holding onto the last hope she had of not losing the love of her life.

Scylla knew Raelle would find what she did for the Spree unforgivable. It was who she was, she didn’t believe in violence, even if said violence was a response to hundreds of years of slavery of their kind. Raelle was a healer, she put people back together, she used her gifts for to help even those who didn’t deserve it, she didn’t make people jump to their deaths.

At the time, Scylla hadn’t particularly enjoyed her mission. But it was a means to an end kind of situation, a spark to light the fire of the cause she believed in with all her being. She was not so sure now it had been worth it though.

“So why would they do this to you?” Raelle asked, her hands running over Scylla’s arms, shoulder, face, every exposed part of skin she could find to make sure she was okay.

“They want something I can’t give them,” Scylla replied, a new sense of certainty on her voice because at least there she could tell her the truth. She hadn’t known about the attack at the wedding, or of any other attacks. She merely followed orders.

“I don’t understand,” Raelle cried, tightening her grip of Scylla’s hands. Her voice was hoarse in a way that made Scylla hate herself for causing her so much pain.

“All you need to know,” Scylla took a deep breath to calm herself down, to tell what was really important. “I love you, Raelle,” she looked right into Raelle’s eyes this time, as if to make sure she knew she meant it more than anything; because she did. “And I would never do anything to hurt you,” she added; because she wouldn’t. She had picked Raelle over her mission and she would do it again and again. “Please believe me,” Scylla implored, her voice breaking.

“I believe you,” Raelle assured her, sniffing. “I love you,” she sobbed. Their kisses were wet and messy and salty from all their tears but Scylla hanged on to them like a life line, dreading the moment Raelle would be pulled away from her.

“Well, that’s quite enough of that,” General Alder said, grabbing Raelle by the shoulders as she screamed and fought against her. “Your girlfriend here has been working for the enemy,” she disclosed, ignoring Raelle’s protests and sitting her down on a chair similar to Scylla’s.

“You’re lying,” Raelle struggled to get the words out as her breaths came out in heavy pants. “Scylla would never hurt innocent people.” She uttered those words with such conviction Scylla felt her heart skip a beat.

“And since she’s been particularly stubborn about telling us what she knows,” the general continued, paying no attention to Raelle and looking directly at Scylla. “You’re here to help us persuade her,” she smiled a tight smile and motioned for Anacostia to replace her holding down Raelle.

General Alder walked out of the room before returning shorty, a song muffler in hand. “Let’s find out if she cares about you as much as she claims to, shall we?”

“What are you doing to her?” Scylla yelled, heart racing on her chest as she watched the general lock the muffler around Raelle’s throat. “Don’t touch her!”

“She won’t be harmed if you collaborate,” the general assured cooly.

“She doesn’t know anything!” Raelle screamed, brushing tears off her cheeks. “Let us go!”

“I wouldn’t be so certain,” General Alder said calmly, looking at Raelle this time. “After all, it was one of your own sisters who alerted us to Scylla here being Spree,” she continued, chin held high, hands behind he back, her posture immaculate apart from the crease of her brow.

“Scylla?” Raelle looked across the room. Scylla knew what must be running through her mind and she could hear the doubt in her voice. She didn’t believe what the general said, not yet, but she knew neither Abigail nor Tally would lie about something like this. Scylla cursed herself for not being more careful and allowing herself to be discovered. “They must have mistaken her for someone else,” Raelle continued, trying to put the pieces together, talking to Anacostia. “Right?” she said turning to Scylla once more.

When she had joined the Spree, Scylla knew her mission would eventually require sacrifices and she had been ready to make them. She hadn’t expected them to be this hard, to freeze her in her place, to feel like she was betraying the only person who loved her, the one person that made her feel something other than anger and hatred.

“Raelle-” Scylla started but found herself at a loss of words. Her eyes fell to the floor; she couldn’t bear to see the look on Raelle’s face, not right then. The room was silent apart from their ragged breathing and the soft tapping of drops of water on concrete somewhere in the distance. “I-”.

“Scylla, what did you do?” Raelle asked quietly. As realization came to her she stopped fighting against Anacostia’s grip. “Did you kill Porter?” Her voice was more sober now, more restrained. It was the voice she used when she really needed answers, when she asked hard questions she couldn’t overlook. Scylla had only heard it once but it had been enough to know she had to say something.

“He put the mission at risk,” Scylla whispered, forcing herself to look up and meet Raelle’s gaze, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“What mission was that?” General Alder questioned but Scylla didn’t hear her. All she could focus her attention on was the puzzled look on Raelle’s face, the way her lips parted in disbelief and her eyes squinted in disappointment. Scylla felt as if she had been pierced by a spear, one that ran from her own hand to her heart.

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” Scylla attempted to continue, to get Raelle to say something, anything, but she didn’t. “Raelle, you have to believe me,” she choked, her voice trembling.

“Like you didn’t mean to hurt the hundreds of civilians at the mall attack?” Anacostia asked, her tone flat and unforgiving. “It’s close enough to base and we checked our records, you had leave that day.”

Scylla remained quiet. She swallowed the knot on her throat and breathed out in defeat, the look of betrayal on Raelle’s eyes forced her to look away.

“Now that you’re aware of your girlfriend’s true allegiance, I’m sorry for what we’re about to do to you, Raelle,” General Alder began. “In war, the ends do justify the means, I’m sure you understand,” she said before bringing her hands to each of Raelle’s temples and singing a song Scylla knew far too well by now.

The sound of Raelle’s screams echoed in the room as her body jerked around in pain and Scylla’s mind went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will feature Scylla realizing love requires sacrifice too and Raelle discovering why Scylla got close to her in the first place. Hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> I haven't written anything in a long while and so any feedback would be appreciated! 
> 
> Come yell at me about Raylla anytime, I'm on tumblr at @we-are-just-bad-code


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Hope you enjoy this one :)

With her vision blurry, Scylla saw a thin flow of blood run from her girlfriend’s nose, pooling on the corner of her mouth in bright angry red. She screamed at the top of her lungs but no sound came out.

Telling how much time had passed since Raelle’s howls of agony had been the only thing she could hear was hard. Her mind was frozen in place, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe. No matter how much she asked them, _begged_ them, to stop hurting Raelle, they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t even look at her. It was as if she was underwater, struggling to get to the surface and just as she was prepared to come up and gasp for air, something pulled her down and she ended up drowning.

“Stop!” Scylla finally managed to get out, lurching her body forward, her chains yanking her back. It was too much, all of it. The way Raelle had her eyes closed and her knuckles white as she grasped the chair’s arms in attempt to subside the pain; the stream of tears running down her cheeks as she screamed. Scylla didn’t care what happened to her, but they couldn’t touch Raelle. Not _her_. Not the fierce, stubborn, passionate girl who had thought her how to love again.

“Tell us how the Spree found out about the Bellweather wedding,” the general ordered, relenting her grip on Raelle’s head. Scylla sobbed as she watched Raelle try to catch her breath, brushing tears off her face, eyes still closed as if afraid that when she opened them it would all start again.

“I don’t know,” Scylla looked the general in the eye, chest heaving. “I swear-” she started before being interrupted by Raelle’s screams as the general returned her attention back to her.

“I’m telling you I didn’t know about the attack on the wedding!” Scylla cried out, the bands of leather around her wrists pressing sharply into her skin. “I was told to attend and so I did,” Scylla breathed out, pointedly omitting what she had been sent there to do, what she had lacked the resolve to do.

During the restless hours Scylla had sat there on that chair in the dark, she had often asked herself what would have happened that day if Raelle hadn’t asked her to dance. Would she still have derailed her mission? Or would she have given Raelle to strangers who couldn’t even guarantee she would be safe?

Scylla liked to think she had already made her choice before Raelle’s request, that she had already chosen her over the mission, over her own life. Failing the Spree meant she became one of their loose ends, something to be dealt with, in whatever way they saw fit. Scylla had been ready to make that sacrifice, all for Raelle to be safe. 

But the truth was, she hadn’t chosen, not objectively, not until the clock hit 6 p.m. and she told Raelle the most honest thing she had ever said since she met her; not until she told her she loved her and Raelle brought their bodies impossibly closer. She hadn’t replied, not with words, but Scylla had felt her smiling against her cheek and that had been more than enough.

Now, she was once again faced with a terrible choice; to betray the cause she had believed in ever since her parents died and, in a way, their memory; or to betray the girl she loved, the person who had given her something to fight for far greater than revenge.

“You have to give us more than that, Ramshorn,” Anacostia pressed, wiping away the blood from Raelle’s face in a way that was almost delicate. Scylla knew the drill sergeant wasn’t enjoying herself seeing Raelle suffer, she had always had a soft spot for her, but the way she spoke with her tone on the verge of pretentious was infuriating.

Scylla let out a scream of frustration and made her choice.

Her arms went slack against the restraints and for the first time in a while the room went silent, still as if waiting for Scylla’s decision to come back to life again.

“Scyl, please,” Raelle asked quietly, voice broken as she raised her eyes to look straight at Scylla. Her hair was glued to her forehead with sweat and in her gaze Scylla saw a sea of pleading and pain, but also a small wave of trust and affection.

Scylla nodded, pushing the last bit of conflict out of her mind as she stared into Raelle’s eyes.

“Raelle doesn’t need to be here for this,” Scylla affirmed, speaking to General Alder. Raelle had suffered enough because of her already, staying to hear what she had to say would only make it worse. Scylla hadn’t been able to protect her before, but she could put her pride on the line and make a request to the general now.

“She will stay to make sure you collaborate,” the general dismissed her in a tight tone.

She wanted to tell her so many things before what would certainly make Raelle never want to speak to her again. But that wasn’t the time nor the place.

Scylla motioned her index finger over the palm of her left hand, carefully drawing the ‘S’ she hoped would tell Raelle she had meant everything she said earlier; that she would never do anything to hurt her; that she would always be with her, no matter what. And also that she was sorry. So sorry.

“You don’t need to speak, if it will make it easier,” Anacostia walked over from where she was standing behind Raelle to Scylla’s side. Out of the corner of her eye, Scylla watched Raelle stroke the palm of her hand discreetly. “Just stop resisting, let me link with you,” she offered. There was a small amount of pity in the way the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. Scylla sighed and nodded in defeat.

As soon as Anacostia’s hand reached her shoulder, Scylla was taken back into her past. Memories flashed before her eyes as Anacostia combed through her mind. Air left her lungs as she saw the dead body of her father stiff on the ground, gaze blank, holding her mother’s hand till the end. Having someone else relive that moment with her made Scylla feel guilty, like she was allowing the corruption of something sacred. But most of all it made her feel so very vulnerable.

She tried thinking of Raelle. Even though she couldn’t see her, not when her mind was being flooded with far too much for her to handle, knowing she was there reminded her of her new found purpose and it made the experience just a tiny bit more bearable.

Soon followed Porter; images of him smiling, back when they were both children, a small sense of comfort quickly turning into anguish as she defined his fate with a whisper.

Scylla often prided herself in being a person who was in control, not only of others and her surroundings, but also of herself. She knew how to keep her emotions in check, how to channel them into her goals. But every ounce of control she had was being swept further and further away, carried by an invincible current matched only by the flow of her tears in terms of force.

She allowed Anacostia to see the Spree recruiting her, a balloon in the mirror of her room during basics, words slowly forming on the glass as the balloon moved swiftly. She let her see the whole ordeal of the mall attack, let her feel how it had actually been hard for her, and then, with an apprehensive gasp, pushed her out suddenly, locking in the blurry writing of Raelle’s name on the mirror.

Scylla groaned as she struggled to get her breathing under control.

Raelle was looking at her attentively, almost as if she wished she could reach her. Scylla hadn’t realized how hard it would be to break her heart until that moment.

Because she knew she would. If Raelle loved Scylla half as much as Scylla loved her, she was about to break her heart if she let Anacostia continue seeing her memories and discover what had initially motivated her getting close to Raelle.

And she wasn’t ready for that, not yet.

“Did you find anything?” General Alder asked Anacostia, who was trying to process everything she saw.

The drill sergeant nodded, proceeding to tell the general about the Spree headquarters she had seen in Scylla’s memories.

“I’ll get a strike team ready,” Alder declared, turning her back to them and leaving the room. Scylla scoffed. The general was desperate enough for a win to personally oversee a mission.

Scylla’s heart rate finally begun to come down as a small hope Anacostia would now call it a night begun to flourish inside her.

“You didn’t show me everything.” _But of course that wasn’t happening_ , Scylla thought to herself. Anacostia paced between Scylla and Raelle, hovering over them as if trying to figure what it was Scylla was hiding. “I felt you push me out.”

“Don’t I get a little privacy?” Scylla tried going back to her usual boldness, her voice failing her as she caught a glimpse of Raelle’s conflicted gaze.

“Does it have something to do Private Collar?” Anacostia questioned, ignoring her attempt at resistance. She had Scylla right where she wanted her and she knew it. She needed only to press a bit further.

“It’s not important,” Scylla rushed to say, bitterness taking a hold of her tone. She had already given them too much, she wouldn’t let them take more away from her. Not Raelle’s memory of her.

“I think General Alder would disagree,” Anacostia calmly replied. “I must admit I don’t feel totally comfortable with her methods,” she eyed Raelle as she spoke, “but they do provide excellent results.” The unspoken meaning of her words wasn’t lost on Scylla. _Start talking or next time Raelle will get more than a nosebleed and a headache._

Scylla looked at Raelle, whose face was devoid of color, tear tracks drying on her cheeks, brow furrowed in anticipation and worry. She bit down on her lip.

“So, what would the Spree want with Private Collar?” Anacostia pressed, halting her pacing next to Scylla, hands behind her back.

“I don’t know,” Scylla looked at the floor, not wanting to see Raelle’s expression when she realized of the implications of the Spree wanting something to do with her. “I was never told,” Scylla admitted.

“Scylla?” Raelle broke through the stupor Scylla unconsciously found herself in. “What are you talking about?” Her voice was watery and her chin was quivering almost imperceptibly. Scylla cursed the chains that bound her, wishing she could set herself free to hold Raelle in her arms, to take her pain away, to assure her she loved her.

“They told me to get close to you,” she confessed instead. “I was supposed to bring you to them after the wedding,” she took a deep breath. Raelle’s features reflected a mixture of emotions Scylla couldn’t quiet name. She sat so still on her chair, Scylla was afraid she’d fall if she said anything else. “But they wouldn’t even tell me if you’d be safe,” Scylla whimpered. There it was, her biggest secret, unveiled between sobs, tears and unspoken apologies. “I couldn’t do it”.

Scylla could only imagine what Raelle must have been feeling; to have the person you love tell you such a thing, it must be like being stabbed in the back; like jumping of a plane believing someone will catch you, but instead you just fall, fall and fall and suddenly even find yourself wishing to hit the ground. Scylla wanted more than anything to tell Raelle she was there; she’d catch her; she’d do everything for her.

Raelle shook her head softly in disbelief, mumbling to herself something Scylla couldn’t hear. Her lips parted to speak once again, to tell Raelle that no matter how their story begun, it was true, she loved her more than anything.

“Why do the Spree want Private Collar?” Anacostia was unrelenting, although her tone was now slightly less harsh towards Scylla. She could sense the regret in Scylla’s words; Scylla hoped Raelle could too.

“I told you, I don’t know,” Scylla shouted as tears flowed down her cheeks. “I guess a lot of their recruits are people who’ve lost someone because of the military, maybe if you stopped getting our parents killed, the Spree wouldn’t be such a threat,” Scylla continued with a sudden humorous spite.

“There has to be more to it than that,” Raelle whispered, fighting back tears, fists clenched. She looked so small, so fragile, so far from the defiant, headstrong girl Scylla had fallen in love with.

“You have no idea how powerful you are,” Scylla said.

If only she could see a spark of that power now, a trace of her essence. In a way, in that moment, Scylla wished Raelle was angry; she wished she’d scream in fury, lash out against her, release that inner storm whose wrath took down everything in its path. But she didn’t; she merely sat there, crying silently, fidgeting with fingers mindlessly.

“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe you loved me,” Raelle muttered, eyeing the floor, searching for something to focus other than Scylla.

“I do love you, Rae,” Scylla hoped her emotions, if not her words, would convince Raelle of that. “More than anything,” she added, but her remark seemed to fall on deaf ears. “And I’m so sorry”.

Scylla imagined that, if she was in Raelle’s shoes, she wouldn’t believe her either and she couldn’t blame her. Trust was something that came hard for both of them and Scylla had abused Raelle’s in the most intimate way possible.

The best she could hope for now was to one day be forgiven.

“Can I go now?” Raelle asked Anacostia, who had stood back, allowing them their small moment of conversation. The drill sergeant nodded and raised an arm to support Raelle as she got up and walked her out of the room.

Scylla looked at Raelle, face bloody, shoulders slouched in exhaustion. She would do whatever she had to make sure one day Raelle knew nothing between them had been a lie.

Just as the blonde was about to reach the door, she halted her pace and turned back to look at Scylla.

_I love you_ , Scylla mouthed, fixating her gaze, putting everything she had into that one last look.

She didn’t know if she imagined it or not, but she could swear Raelle’s lips moved silently in an _I love you too_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was a ride uh?  
> Hope you ejoyed :)  
> I'm on tumblr at @we-are-just-bad-code


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